Bunny Juice (AKA - How Kids See the World)

I write YA (This will not be a surprise to anyone who reads this blog.)

I also write MG. (Also, not likely a surprise.)

Voice is important in both of these age groups because no one (kids especially) wants to be talked down to. And kids are experts at detecting fakers. (Those who toss a few text phrases into what could otherwise be the narration of a 36 year-old divorcee.. LoL!) But as important as it is, voice is also extremely tricky in these instances.

Adults don't think like kids. Adults don't speak like kids. Adults filter the world through a layer of experience that kids haven't lived long enough to experience, and there are serious chemical changes that happen during childhood and adolescence that separate the reasoning capacity of those who are and aren't biologically mature, and sadly, too many adults forget this the second they turn 22. (Most neurologists say that emotional maturity kicks in when a person is in their 20's.)

An adult writing for children or teens is essentially an exercise in translation. It doesn't matter that you speak the same regional dialect as those younger than you, you're still not speaking the same language, and if you want to succeed in writing something a kid of any age won't roll their eyes at, then you have to learn the dialect.

By this point, you're probably wondering what any of this has to do with the Bunny or Juice referenced in the post title. Well, it's a case in point.

I was at the supermarket and there was a harried mother pushing a cart with a girl in it who I'm going to guess was in the 3-4 year-old range. This little girl was being very well behaved, and at one point, she stopped chattering and playing with her doll to ask: "Mommy, can we get some Bunny Juice?"

The mother gave her an instant 'yes' and kept going. It was a cute moment.

Later, I saw this same mother and girl in the dairy section. Mom was still shopping; the girl was still behaving herself, and once again, she asked "Mommy, can we get some Bunny Juice?"

Again, Mom said 'yes', but this time, you could tell, Mom was getting frantic. You see, she'd promised the girl some Bunny Juice, but had no idea what it was. She scanned the milk cartons and juice jugs, searching for any clue as to what Bunny Juice might be. Maybe carrot or some brand the girl had tried at day care that had a rabbit on the label, but she couldn't find anything.

As I went on, there was another request from the girl, and another assurance that Mom would find this elusive drink.

When I was leaving, I spotted them again, in the checkout line. The girl had a container of Nestle Quik. She didn't know what it was called, only that it was a drink, which in her mind made it 'juice' and there was a bunny on the carton. Bunny Juice, simplified. (I'm sure I've missed a few things in this little story, but this is the basic version.)

This is the thing with a 'real' kids' voice. An adult would put something like that in the context of "Mom, can I have some of that chocolate milk you make with the powder? The one with the rabbit on it." if they didn't know the name of something.

A kid distills that into 'Bunny Juice'.

You can't force voice to sound right in a story any more than you can speak a foreign language and not have an accent at first. You have to work at it; you have to practice. And to do that, you need to listen. Listen to the people who are in your target readership and get a feel for how they say things and how they interact with others. (*note*If you are writing for kids, this does NOT mean you should stare at or follow random children. Their mothers will report you as the 'creepy' man/woman to security.)

Read novels others have written. Watch the television shows geared toward that age group. If you can nail the voice, the rest of the story will be a whole lot easier to get across.

Arclight UK

So I got some good news last week, and I can share it now. Not only is Arclight going to have a German edition, but it was picked up by Egmont UK, as well. So there are going to be two English versions of the novel: one for North America and one for the UK! And the best part is, the UK publishers want THREE books.

YAY!

Arclight in der Deutschen

(If that header doesn't say "Arclight in German" blame the babelfish. It was an auto-translation, so any insults to one's mother, sister and/or puppy dogs is unintentional.)

It looks like Arclight's going international! It will be published in Germany through Ink, an imprint of German Egmont!

YAY!!!

An Addendum to the Awkward Question

...

^ This is me taking a deep breath.

The first thing I want to say here is that nothing I've said is privileged information; it's not even hard to find. I don't have special sources or resources, just Google. I'm not a publishing professional. To find those, I'd suggest going to Writer Beware, Absolute Write, or a blog called How Publishing Really Works. If you want to go the self-publishing route, then again check out AW, or look up Joe Konrath's blog or Amanda Hocking's blog. There's Nathan Bransford's blog archives and Query Shark and Pub Rants and on and on. All of these are awesome for gathering information.

I'm saying all of that to mean this -- No, I will not take the name of a supplied press and find out for you if it's legitimate or not. If you can email me or message me, you have access to a computer. If you have access to a computer, you can do a simple search yourself. I am not a counselor; I don't give career advice.

Don't make me make the 'mean face', it gives me wrinkles. *GRRR* (are you scared yet?)

START WITH GOOGLE. If that's not enough, then go to Preditors & Editors and look the press up there. Go to Absolute Write and check their Recommendations, Bewares, and Background checks sub-forum. You don't even have to be a member to use it.

If you're serious about writing as a career, then you have to do your own research and your own leg work, and you have to take your own chances.

Now that that's out of the way, I'll get into this, which is an offshoot of the "awkward question" post.

P.O.D. IS NOT EVIL. It's a technology, not code for "I am scamming you." Very large and very legitimate publishing houses use this technology. There's a very cool machine called an Espresso book machine that uses this technology to print you a personal copy of a book in 3 minutes while you watch.

All P.O.D means is "Print on Demand". (It can also be "Publish on Demand". If anyone tells you these are different, they are either misinformed or lying.) And all THAT means is that a copy of a given book is ONLY printed when it's ordered.

Normally, if you're with a commercial publisher, they decide how many copies of a book to publish when a book is put out. Let's say 5,000 for an example. Those 5,000 books are all printed at once, then stored in a warehouse until they can be shipped to the stores which are showcasing the book, or, in the case of Amazon, until someone orders a copy on-line.

With POD, this doesn't happen. A single copy of a book is printed when a single order comes in. (The lack of bulk printing is why most POD tiles are priced higher than mass produced books.) These books don't have a "stock" kept in warehouses, therefore if someone checks, they're "out of stock", but they can be ordered. When a press says a book is available "through major chains" or "through stores" as opposed to "in" them, this is what they're talking about. You can walk up to a counter, ask the clerk to order "Book Title" and they will send it to you.

POD is used for many reasons, out of print or niche titles among them. Don't freak out just because you see that Press X uses POD.

Yes, it can be confusing. Yes, it can be complicated. But, thankfully there's a ton of information out there that will help you find real answers.

Wherein I Answer An Awkward Question

Hi guys. I'm going to answer something today, and I'm not calling out any names or anything because I don't want to embarrass or anger anyone, but this seems to be a fairly common line of questioning, so maybe this will help. I'm going to be a bit frank, but please don't think I'm belittling anyone's ability. This is NOT about the writers who have asked, but rather about the companies they've mentioned.

If you write a book and either skip or have no luck with the agent step, you might be tempted to send your book direct to publishers. Okay, fine. That totally works for some people, and despite the odds, YES, sometimes real publishers will respond to unsolicited submissions. I know this for a fact because I've done it. I don't recommend it, but I've done it. (years ago, pre-agent, and the book was not published).

Having said that --

IF said publisher turns around in 2 days or less and screams that they want to give your book a chance, I know it's hard not to jump up and down and start composing letters in your head to all those people who said you'd never achieve your goals, but please - PLEASE - before you agree to anything with a publisher, unagented, and with no advocate on your side, DO SOME RESEARCH.

Google is your friend. There are many legitimate small presses out there, and you may not have heard of them, so Google to make sure the one that's offering isn't a vanity press if you aren't specifically looking for a vanity press. (There are real reasons to use a self-publishing service, and if that's what you want, and the company is upfront about their services, then more power to you.)

If you get an offer from a company you've never heard of, do this:

1. go to Google
2. type in: "really awesome publishing company SCAM"

If this results in a long list of complaints, then READ THEM. Yes, it sucks to think you got excited over something and then that something turns out to be not what you thought it was, but it's better to find out before you sign anything.

Call your local bookstore and ask them if they stock books by Really Awesome Publishing Company.

You can also query a couple of agents with the header :I HAVE AN OFFER FROM A PUBLISHER. and see if anyone responds. Most agents will tell you flat out if the "offer" is from a scam press (assuming it's one they've heard of). Please listen to them. They are not jealous of you or trying to keep you down. They are people who love writing and books and writers and don't want to see a potentially amazing book thrown into a black hole.

There are 2 kinds of vanity presses -

1. A regular vanity press says "pay me $X.XX and I will give you YYY". Very straightforward. If you want only a couple of copies of a book or if you write to a small niche audience, then this might work for you. (It might not, that's not my call.)
2. The sneakier option is a "reverse" vanity press. They say they're "traditional" in that they don't require payment for a book to be published. They may offer a small "token" advance. They're very careful to word things so that you will assume that by signing with them your book will be on shelves and that you will have signings and that you will be able to pay your bills with your royalty checks. Then, as soon as the contract is signed, they start bombarding you with offers to buy copies of your own book.
   

There are tons of these places out there and they know exactly what to say to make it seem like you're getting an amazing break, but please take the time to find out about any publisher (or agent) you've never heard of before. You spend months, if not years, writing your book, so don't risk throwing it in the trash by only taking ten minutes to find it a home.

Just some things to consider, pulled from different sites/companies, etc.

• A press cannot simultaneously be a small press and still put out over 3,000 books a year. This is a #logicfail
• They will dazzle you with statistics like how few "books" are sold in bookstores these days. (Less than 40%). What they don't tell you is that "book" =/= "novel". Most books aren't for commercial use; they're technical manuals and reference books put out for specific industries, but when added into the volume of all books published in a given year, they skew the percentages. Remember: Numbers don't lie, but you can lie with numbers.
  
• No legit publisher tries to find you another publisher to take on your book after they've bought the rights to it.
  
• No legit publisher tries to find you an agent to sell the book they've contracted for.
• No legit agent requires you to pay them to read your submission.
• No legit publisher charges you to fix typos
  
• No legit publisher charges you for galleys.
• No legit publisher will sell you a USB drive with your book on it in e-form.
• Even the smallest of micropresses will give you at least 1 free copy of your book

Work out the average earning/author with the company's provided stats. Most of them will tell you, upfront, the number of authors they have. This is to make you think there are thousands out there, happily churning out books for the company. The company will likely also tell you that it's reached some major milestone in royalty payments, usually a million or two. Don't be awed by all those zeroes - do some basic math. Take that threshold and divide it by the number of authors the company claims.

If they say they have 75,000 authors, and that they've cleared 3 million in royalties:
3,000,000/75,000 =$40

$40 is the average total royalties per author, and that's assuming none of those authors have more than one book with the company. Is your book worth more to you than $40? (or whatever total you come up with given the company's stats)

These are just a few red flags, but there are hundreds of others. If you see them, heed them. Don't ignore them because of the glow of being accepted. <--- this is what these companies count on. They know that the average writer dreams of being someone snapped up right away, and so they do it. But by doing this, and having such a quick turnaround, they can pressure a potentially commercially successful author into signing away their rights. Once those rights are gone, they're gone. The book is published, and it now has a sales history -- as do you. 99.99999% of the time that sales history will be dismal. (Vanity published books average in the low double digits for sales.)

Now for the big one. If you've signed with a vanity press by mistake...

• IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A BAD WRITER.
• IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE STUPID.
• IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR BOOK IS BAD.

It means none of those things. ALL it means is that you ran into people who are professionals in the business of persuasion and insinuation, who prey on the hopes and dreams of those who have worked hard to create something they're proud of, and you made a mistake. It's NOT the end of the world, and it doesn't have to be the end of your writing career.

These companies are not set-up to make a writer successful. They're not equipt to handle the demand that would arise from a book becoming popular. They can't get an author into a worthwhile situation because their experience isn't in real publishing and their reputations are trash in the industry. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to succeed as a writer through a scam vanity press, because their definition of success is to get as much money from the writer as possible before the writer realizes the truth. They actually make it difficult to sell/ship to anyone other than the author because outside income sources don't pay off as well as continuing to ransom the dream back to the dreamer. If you're stuck with one of these companies, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR BOOK ISN'T SELLING. It's the way the system is set up.

When someone tells me "OMG, I'm being published, too!" I want to be able to jump up and down and smile and say "YAY!" right along with them. I don't want to get messages like this, then hear the company involved and feel a cold knot in my stomach because I know that elation is going to be short-lived. I hope everyone who reads this blog and wants to be published reaches their goal. (It's possible, statistics are only important for those who conform to them.) But I hope they take the steps to keep that dream from turning into a nightmare.

A Little Something Different

This is my tree - the one in my backyard, specifically. (Please ignore my trashcan next to the pile of what would be a picnic table had the kit not been missing its braces.) When I first moved into my house a few years ago, this tree had issues. It had a weak limb, so I had to remove it to save the tree. The space left behind when that limb was excised created this image.

I'm not Catholic, none of my immediate family is Catholic, but everyone who sees my tree says the same thing, which is some variation of "That looks like Mary!" (or St. Mary or the Virgin Mary, or whatever the given viewer's qualifier is).

(ETA, one of them shaded in what they say they see to make it clearer, and to be honest, now it's all I can see when I look at my tree, too. Here's that version... yes, before anyone says anything THIS ONE IS PHOTOSHOPPED. Most people wouldn't question that, but there's always someone who thinks they're funny. )



So what does that have to do with writing or books or anything else? Not much, honestly, but I think it's unusual and interesting, and if I must tie this into something useful in the writing world, it's a metaphor. If I'd left the diseased limb on the tree, the tree would have still looked okay. It probably would have been strong enough to live for years, but by cutting off a seemingly good bit of the tree, something completely different became clear. Sure, it's just the way the wood snapped, but it's still nice to look at, and it gives my tree character it didn't have before -- editing books can be the same way.

Maybe what you've got works, but if you cut out the weakest portion, then you may find something completely unexpected that will take you places and directions you never imagined.

I is For...

I haven't done one of these in a while, but I'm trying to get back into the habit. So, now we pick up our alphabetical trip through writing, publishing, and anything else I can convincingly tie to the process of being professionally delusional (read: writing fiction) where we left off -- the letter "I".

I is for Idea -- that thing which is simultaneously priceless and worthless. Writers have ideas; it's what starts the process. Something appears in your brain, nearly as (or even more) real than the world in which you live, and it begs to be put down on paper (or on screen) before it disappears back to the aether never to be experienced again. Sometimes ideas are stubborn and hide behind blocks; other times, there will be so many available and vying for your attention that you'll feel like the sheer number is crushing you.

It's a hard truth for new writers (and consequently one that crushes many) that there are no "new" ideas. There are variations and spins and slants, but all ideas have come from the ideas of those before us. Our ideas are the product of environment, exposure and belief, and it's not impossible for someone with a similar background to have a similar idea independent of the one they created. Or to say it simply, no, that guy didn't steal from you just because you both have a book about goats in space.

I is for Ingenuity -- where the mundane becomes magic. There are only 26 letters in the English language, and yet those 26 letters can be used in an infinite number of combinations. It's up to the writer to determine how to take those plain old letters and turn them into something never seen or heard before. (Yes, I'm aware that I just said there were no new ideas - deal with the dichotomy or pick a new career, dude.) Your ingenuity is what makes your worthless ideas priceless.

I is for Ick-factors -- the lines a writer refuses to cross. We all (or at least most) have them. Maybe you can't write out graphic violence or intimate love scenes. Maybe you refuse to detail the rotting stench of a zombie's presence. Maybe you just... can't... make... your... character... do... er... that... (whatever it happens to be). If you're uncomfortable, it will read in your writing - that can either help or hurt you. If it's going to give a scene weight and legitimate awkwardness, then consider the "cowboy up" method of doing what needs done. But if you find yourself sneaking in euphemisms for things you can't seem to stomach saying in earnest, then maybe you should fade to black lest your emotional turmoil turn to snicker-worthy spork bait on the page.

I is for Inspiration -- it has to come from somewhere. Ideas don't spring independently from a primordial soup in your head; people you know or things you've seen will creep into your creative process. They may be unrecognizable once they hit the page (and unless you're being very, very kind, this is probably for the best), but you should always keep your eyes open for the striking moments in every day life.

One day, I will find a way to work the trio of Catholic nuns and trio of Buddhist monks who were both in line for rides at Disney World into a story. I will.

I is for Irritating, Insulted, Irate, Insomnia, Incomplete, Insanity and Integrity.

You will find it irritating when people equate your time on the computer with "playing" or utter the words "since you aren't doing anything, could you....", you may even be insulted or become irate, but remember... they don't get it. They live in the "real" world and are therefore to be pitied. To use the term Chuck Wendig coined, they are Pen-Muggles, and therefore do not understand your word-magic. Leave them to believe your pen is a pen and not the wand that transfigures blank pages into a new world they can't even imagine.

Get used to Insomnia, as it will find new and insidious means of making itself known. (Usually, these will be sneak attacks disguised as ideas telling you to get up and write before they disappear on you.

Do not fear the Incomplete story. For all you know, it's not the beginning you think it is, but the middle of another story you haven't thought of yet.

You make things up for a living, and then pretend they're real. You can either call this lying or Insanity - one makes people hate you and the other gets you labeled the loveable eccentric. Also, eccentrics get to wear capes and no one can say a word. When liars wear capes, they get called villains. (Yes, I own a cape and no, you can't borrow it. Cut up your own drapes.)

And then we come to Integrity, which is what you have and what you can lose. The Internet can be a friendly place or shark infested waters (sadly not the kind who munch on queries for their daily snack). What you say and how you conduct yourself on-line can lead to people knowing your name, just try and make sure it's for your work and not your melt-downs. (sheesh, I feel like such a high school guidance counselor with that one.)


Next time, J is for Justice, Jealousy and Just write the *(^%& thing already.