Stalking is NOT perseverance

Friday, September 14, 2012

This is the TV version of perseverance in the name of one's "dreams":
This is my DREAM! She's my DREAM AGENT! I shall impress her with my golden awesomeness and she shall love me!

No thank you.

But it's my DREAM. *tries again*

No thank you. (whispers to assistant - "didn't I read this query already?" - assistant nods yes)

Please give me another chance. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please... IT'S MY DREAM!

No thank you. * blocks email *

My feelings, they are hurted. I am sad-faced for my DREAM,

Um... maybe you should try something else.

No! I am determined. She will love me! She is my DREAM AGENT! This is my DREAM and no one's taking it away from me!!!

Er... maybe you should take a breath, or a nap. Lay off the coffee, or you know - blink.

Blinking is for losers. I shall BE VICTORIOUS!

Dude, write another book, get better, or just try a different agent. Your dream agent doesn't even rep comical murder memoirs about werepuppies.

That's right, I don't. And the more time I have to spend telling you that is more time everyone else loses. Stop wasting everyone's time!



I'm younger than you and more delusion- er - determined. LOVE ME!!!

You've got spirit. I'll give you that.

*shows off spirit fingers*

Tell 'ya what. Let's try this again - impress me.

That did NOT just happen.

No. No it didn't - but too many people think it will. Thanks to sensationalized stories (*cough* RUDY *cough*) and portrayals on TV/movies that show stalkerish behavior being equated with determination, there's a skewed idea of where the lines of acceptable behavior get drawn.

Now, to be honest, most people never cross that line. They might get right up onto it, but they pull back when they realize they're getting too far out there.

Then you have things like what happened to Pam van Hylckama (@bookiliciouspam).

The short version is that she was tracked down, and attacked, by a man whose query she had rejected. He used social media to find her daughter's school and came at her while she was in her car, but thankfully her dog intervened (intravenously :-D Good doggie).

This is NOT OKAY.



This is NEVER okay. You do not get to hurt someone because they don't respond the way you think they should. Most of us learn this in Kindergarten, but for others, the lesson never sunk in.

When you - continually - seek someone's attention after they've - repeatedly - told you to go away, when you decide to find them for professional reasons outside their professional schedule, when you determine that you need to see them in person to make them "understand" you, when you place your wants and needs above all else - YOU ARE A STALKER.

You are not this:

You are this:

And no one wants to work with that guy.

Boundaries are a good thing. Figure out where they are and don't be the guy who tries to build a ladder or dig or trench to get around them. The great thing about dreams is that they're pliable. You can alter them if you need to. That's a whole lot easier than trying to talk your way out of a prison sentence.

3 Chiming In:

Laura said...

YIKES. Scary.

Lydia Sharp said...

So well said, Josin. Love the pics.

I'm still in shock over this whole crazyfest. And the main thing I just can't wrap my head around is, why would any writer get so obsessed over ONE agent? I don't think having a "dream agent" like this is healthy. There are so many good agents out there. At best, you're limiting your options. At worst, well... this. You go crazypants.

Don't put all your eggs in one agent's basket.

Michael Seese said...

As an infosec and privacy professional, I am acutely aware of the dangers of sharing too much. To illustrate how dangerous it is, three Norwegian men created a website -- -- to troll social networking sites and post a person's whereabouts. Again, they did it to make a statement. Not to be outdone, someone else created

Let's be careful of there, people.

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